Walking Daddy

‘This thing… Why is getting all worked up? Why is it staring at the ground? Is it looking for something?’

As if ‘it’ had read my mind, it suddenly turned toward me. Since ‘it’ seemed to be doing what I was telling it to do, I tried giving it some commands.

‘Look left.’

Crunch.

It turned its neck so fast that I could hear it crack.

‘Now look right.’

Crunch!

I couldn’t close my mouth.

‘Sit down and get up.’

Shoosh, shoosh.

‘Get down.’

Splat.

‘Start crawling.’

Shoosh, shoosh.

‘Get up.’

It shot back up to attention.

‘Turn around.’

Twirl!

‘It’ stared blankly at me with dirt all over its clothes. It stood perfectly still, like a robot waiting for my next command. I covered my mouth in disbelief.

‘Is this thing my puppet? My underling?’

I didn’t know how to take this in. I wondered why this was happening all of a sudden.

‘Why is it following my orders? Why?’

I thought about what I had done a few minutes ago. I had experienced an unexplainable headache as soon as I had shoved it, but after that, I was able to control it. I bit my lip and looked at the other ones. They weren’t even meeting my eyes. They were scared of me. I gave one of ‘them’ another shove to confirm that my train of thought wasn’t total nonsense.

Thud!

The same headache struck me. The sharp pain shot through my head again, hurting more than it did earlier. I gritted my teeth and bore it as best as I could.

Crunch!

I could feel pieces of my teeth scattered across my tongue. I couldn\'t believe that I was biting down hard enough for my teeth to break. I slowly turned toward the creatures, spitting out the residue. Now, two of them looked green.

‘Is this headache part of the process that links me with ‘them’? Am I becoming one with ‘them’, the same way plants communicate with each other?’

I swallowed as I tried to figure out what was going on. My heart skipped a beat. Well, it technically didn’t, since I was already dead. I could feel the headache throbbing at a constant tempo, like a heartbeat. I took a deep breath and looked at the remaining creatures. I couldn’t help but smirk.

‘Huh, now this is going to get interesting.’

Without hesitation, I started shoving ‘them’ at random. The headaches that bombarded me almost drove me insane, but I couldn’t stop. The more underlings I had, the more guards I would have. I still had much to learn about them, but it was possible that I could turn them into bodyguards for So-Yeon and me. I kept on shoving them, struggling through the joy and pain.

“Grr!!!”

My pained, determined cry echoed through the quiet street.

* * *

I slowly opened my eyes.

‘Did I faint?’

The concept of fatigue was no longer applicable to me, but fainting was still possible. The immeasurable amount of pain had knocked me out. I stood up, pressing my fingers against my temples in the hopes of feeling better.

Grr.

At that moment, I heard voices behind me. I turned to see green creatures everywhere. They were all standing still, staring blankly at me. The world was already engulfed in darkness, and there wasn’t one source of light to be seen. However, they were glowing as green as they could.

I wasn’t sure how to describe each of them.

‘A giant firefly? Or a long glow-in-the-dark pen?’

I wasn’t sure how to describe them as a whole, but now, I had a group of subordinates following my orders. I bit my lip, and began to give them orders.

‘Why aren’t you bowing to your leader?’

Grr.

Almost instantly, the green creatures all bowed toward me. I did a head count and swallowed in astonishment.

‘A total of 32. I have 32 underlings. Wait… What should I do now?’

Taking them back to the apartment right now would be a stupid decision. I did not fully understand their characteristics. I didn’t know what would happen if they started acting out. I had no choice but to give them more orders.

‘Everyone, look at me and listen up.’

They raised their heads as one and stared blankly at me.

‘Stay put. Don’t attack human beings even if you sense any. Got that?’

Grr.

They replied together, full of spirit.

‘At ease.’

Grr…

The creatures shuffled toward a nearby wall and turned to face it, unmoving. With that out of the way, I headed out. I had to postpone my original plan to look for the high school. All I could think of at that moment was So-Yeon being left alone. Fainting hadn’t been part of my plan. I couldn’t shake the thought that perhaps she had stepped outside to look for me.

My pace quickened, my nervousness growing with each step.

I didn’t know how long I’d been out cold. It could have been a day, or even two. As soon as I got back to my living room, though, a wave of relief came over me, washing away all my anxiety. The barricade was still standing strong. I moved it to the side and knocked on the door carefully.

Knock, knock. Knock, knock.

I kept up my rhythmic knocking, and soon, I heard footsteps inside. They were small and light. Soon enough, the door creaked open and I saw So-Yeon. I bit my lower lip and stifled a cry.

Thank goodness she was doing alright. She didn’t come out. She was waiting calmly inside the bedroom. I was relieved just to see her alive. My head sagged as I reached for the door handle. Then, I slowly closed the door.

My legs lost their strength, and I collapsed in front of the bedroom door. I covered my mouth and closed my eyes.

“Grr… Grr… Grr…”

I couldn’t help but cry. I bit my right hand with my half-broken teeth in an attempt to keep myself from sobbing.

There was a creak. The door opened, and So-Yeon stuck her head out. I quickly closed my mouth and tried to close the door. However she had her hand between the door and the doorframe, as if she didn’t want the door to be closed anymore. I couldn’t force the door closed, for fear that her hand would get stuck.

As I hesitated, she carefully stepped out and stared blankly at me. Then, she smiled and whispered to me in a soothing voice, “Where…”

“Grr?”

I couldn’t understand her quiet whisper. As I titled my head in confusion, she spoke up again while fiddling with her fingers.

“Where… Where did you go?”

She was asking where I had been. Her voice struck me straight in my heart. There was no aversion or discomfort in her tone of voice. Rather, it was a signal that she was still very much relying on me. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I’d almost forgotten the last time I’d heard her voice. I wanted to give her a big hug.

As I reached out, I could see her stiffen. I quickly pulled my hand back, my head sagging again. It seemed like she still wanted to keep a distance. Noticing that I had gotten sulky, she went back to the bedroom to get something. I saw her come back with something in her hands. She presented me with a drawing pad and crayons.

‘Is she telling me to write out what I want to say since I can’t speak?’

I took the crayons and smiled.

‘I can’t believe I didn’t think of this. Even if I can’t speak, I can still write.’

I took a crayon and opened the drawing pad. I wanted to write down the following: ‘I was looking for a place where my sweetie can stay and be safe. But something happened, which is why I’m late.’

Although the words in my mind were clear, my hand didn’t budge. My head was telling me to write down what I was thinking, but my hand was just floating in mid-air, as if it didn’t understand what my mind was saying.

I was taken aback. I stared blankly at the drawing pad, not knowing what to do. It felt like dry sweat was coming out of me. This feeling… It was like studying a foreign language. It felt as though I knew the words that I wanted to use to express my thoughts, but I just couldn’t write them out. The ability to form the letters seemed just out of reach. I felt illiterate—able to speak and think, but unable to write.[1] As time went on and I still didn’t write anything out, So-Yeon started to get nervous.

‘No, no, no!’

I couldn’t lose this chance of her opening up to me like this. I drew a large circle with my shaking hand. I drew it out of desperation, but it ended up being the small inspiration I needed.

‘I could draw something instead! I don’t need to write something down.’

After all, hadn’t human communication begun with drawings as well? I started drawing away. I drew a house with So-Yeon inside, making a sad face. She took a close look at the drawing and pointed to herself, asking if that was her. She seemed to understand that I had drawn her. I nodded violently and turned the page.

I drew a big, clean house with So-Yeon playing together with other children. She tilted her head side to side as she tried to figure out my drawing, seeming confused. I concentrated as hard as I could on my right hand, wanting to get my message across. I desperately wanted to use letters to explain myself.

I wrote a few letters out with my trembling hand.

“House…?” She hesitantly read out what I’d written. “A new place to stay…?”

“Grr!”

I accidentally let out my awful cry. I was so proud that So-Yeon had understood what I’d been trying to say, and that I could communicate with her. I quickly covered my mouth in case my ‘voice’ made her afraid or uncomfortable. Thankfully, my worries were unfounded. She was smiling.

I wanted to give her a round of applause for being so clever. She’d known what I was saying right away, despite my horrible drawings and poorly-scribbled letters. She kneeled down to take a closer look at my work and asked, “Then, where will… be staying?”

I shook my head, and she bit her lip and avoided my gaze.

I looked at her questioningly, patiently waiting for her to say the words she was hesitating to say.

‘I don’t want to rush her for an answer. I need to give her some time to think this through.’

I sat comfortably and closed my eyes. I knew that my bloodshot eyes would be threatening to her.

After a while, I heard a very quiet voice, almost softer than a whisper. “You…”

I wasn’t able to hear what she was saying, so I looked at her and shook my head.

She fiddled with her fingers, and her head sank. After a little while, she said in the same, quiet voice, “... You’re Daddy?”

My mind went blank. I couldn’t find a way to respond. My eyes were wide open, and I couldn’t keep my mouth closed.

It felt as though time had stopped, and there was nothing else in the world but me and her.

‘You’re Daddy. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.’

The word Daddy echoed through my head.

She’d called me Daddy. After all the distance she had put between us, and her fear of what I had turned into, she had started calling me Daddy again. There had been a slight hesitation in her voice, but she’d still called me Daddy. I felt like I owned the world. It gave my life purpose again. It also became the reason I couldn’t die.

1. The writer provides an example using Korean and romanized Korean to illustrate his point. This has been omitted in the final translation. ☜